The Student Castle Chronicles: Is Student Castle Vaguely Reminiscent of a Third World Country?

Student Castle in all it's glory. Is it not tall and modern looking? Is it not aptly named? It is definitely the modern day interpretation of a castle... from the outside at least. Image was taken from Ghostly Tom's Travel blog found at

My blood was boiling, my bones were on fire. Excitement permeated my entire being. I was electrified. If you were to observe me at that time I assure you that you would not have been able to see me very clearly at all. I was vibrating very hard indeed. This is how I get when I am excited. You're probably wondering about the cause of all this strange activity. It was the day I was to move into my studio in Student Castle Manchester.

The building is a wondrous thing to behold. I'm fairly sure that it is one of the 10 tallest buildings in Manchester. As you can imagine the view from my Studio on the 21st floor is magnificent. I can see the Manchester moors from my bed. The only annoyance I have regarding my view is that I can see Old Trafford from my bed too. For me this is like a fly in the corner of my eye. No matter how much I try to ignore the fact that Old Trafford lies infront of me I can't. I find my eyes drawn to the stadium nine times out of ten. I wonder if Van Persie can feel the daggers I'm staring his way? (Probably not... *traitor* *cough*).

My room itself is quite small, but it is also just big enough. Yes, big enough to host about 3 squatters. I'm sure that it shall do this at some point or the other through out the duration of my stay. I know I seem positively taken with my room but this was not always the case. Before I moved in I thought that I would be free from the interference of the Universe in my humble abode. I thought that I was owed this common courtesy but this was not the case. The universe reminded me of this on the night I moved in.

I was very grimy, and filthy when I rocked up to manchester at 10pm or so. You see 24 hours before I had been at Aburo's 21st chugging mojitos by the bucketload and being strangled by one very drunk Odz (no, his name isn't actually Odz. Odz is a character from the exceedingly popular manga and anime series One Piece). I had also passed the night in the stables. I would have showered the next day but I had to make a speedy departure from Cirencester to London, and once in London I would have to attend Starmix's 21st. There was scarcely any time to brush my teeth talk less of having a shower. A little perfume and deodorant would do the trick, and I expected every one to ignore the fact that I still had strands of hay in my hair.

After that event I barely had enough time to bid Asquith a hasty goodbye and thank him for his hospitality before I was due back in Manchester.It is not surprising that the first thing I sought to do upon moving in was have a shower. I did not expect my shower to attempt to kill me. I stepped in the shower expecting to be washed by deliciously hot water. At first the water was icy. As I Afam am both a legend and a trooper I endured the cold in preparation for the warm goodness that was sure to follow. The temperature increased gradually until it was just right. I was about to begin my littany of shower hits when I realized that the water was no longer tolerable. I was being boiled alive.I went to bed very sad indeed. I need my daily shower to feel like a human being. I reported the problem hoping that it would be fixed before I had to leave for the freshers week fair the following morning. It wasn't, just like that I had gone three days without having a decent shower. I should have known then that my first few weeks at Student Castle would be peppered by numerous maintenance issues.

Because they are so many I find that I cannot go into detail about all of them. They are listed as follows...
Internet issues, impromptu restarting of the boiler, frozen by shower, retarded elevators (Do you know that I once had to climb down 21 flights of stairs after waiting 15 minutes for the elevator? Ridiculous!!!), leaking pipes, no water, an extreme lack of communication (I'm well aware that work needs to be done in any apartment building, but I do not think it appropriate that men appear at my doorstep to fix my air conditioning without me having any prior knowledge of it), power cut, dodgy policies (Why should I have to pay £5 to be let back into MY studio in the event that I forget my room key inside my room after paying a SMALL FORTUNE in rent?), and despotic policies (I know that there's CCTV for my own safety but please try not to threaten me with it. I am a MODEL tenant).

You might think that I hate the building but the truth is that I don't. You see as a Nigerian - especially one who just spent an entire summer in Nigeria I am familiar with all these issues. In fact, I dare say I'm terribly well equipped to exist with them indefinitely. In the mean time I'll do the Nigerian thing and put the state of the building in my prayers. Yes, right after I thank God for myself and my family and just before I pray about Global Warming.

 Happy Days,


Tolu Ajayi said...

First world problems...

Afam said...

As I am paying first world prices for a third world service, I am entitled to a good whine.

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