Thoughts on Uncle Obama's Banana


Yes, I fear you heard right. No this is not a dream, and yes this is Afam not Linda Ikeji or some other charlatan. Why have I STOOPED so low? I'm sorry I really couldn't resist. It's unfortunate that my name isn't Uncle Obama and it's even more unfortunate that my banana shop is currently closed for business.
                                      
I will transcribe and attempt to interpret the interesting parts of the song,
Chale, Chale Marvin
(I didn't really hear what she said at the end of that line but my Ghanian friends tell me that chale is a most difficult word to put into English. I suppose it would be something like homie.
My name is sister Deborah but my fans call me Derby
(I couldn't have come up with a better name myself. She must be quite the Derby...)
I love local and foreign bananas and I dance the bananazomto
(She likes bananas a lot. She imports them from all over the world and dances with them. Don't judge her, it's perfectly normal to dance with fruit. I used to tango with mangoes back in the day.)

 Chorus
Uncle Obama, Uncle Obama, I like the size of your banana. 
Can I give it to my monkey? x2
It will be so very happy.
(Control yourselves. It's immediately obvious that Uncle Obama is a man that sells bananas just down the road from where she lives and that she, Derby has a monkey that likes big bananas. The next time she sings the chorus she replaces size with shape. I get this, the shape of the banana is often more important than it's size.)

Verse 1:
One day I went to the market,
I was holding my basket 
I was looking for some fruit
 So that i could make some juice
Then the weather be very very hot
Wey my skirt be very very short

 Uncle Biden: Ei sister Deborah how be?
Derby: fine
Uncle Biden: I see you kyer
Deborah: Chale long time
 Deborah: Who be that handsome fellow
I want go tell am hello
 Uncle Biden: His name is uncle obama
he has sell a groundnut and banana
Deborah: oh in that case i for see am
my monkey seff dey hia some
i reach there, e sell all leff one
luckily it was the biggest one!

(Nollywood, Gollywood and all African versions of hollywood dictate that girls must go to the market in the shortest skirts so it isn't at all unnatural for her to mention this. It's a cultural thing...
I was rather pleased to hear that she got the last banana. She even grabbed two bags of nuts with it. It's not very often that we go to the market and find exactly what we're looking for. I'm sure that her monkey ate well that night.)

Chorus
Verse 2:

The following next day  
I was back
 My monkey had not had enough
 I reached there very early
 Nails were pink hair was curly 
I was chewing abele
 Walking sexy
 Shaaing wele
 Kro-kyia kro-kyia i reached there
 Uncle obama was in his chair
 Said he was expecting me
 With a nice banana for my monkey
 It had just riped
 It was just right
 My monkey would be happy all night
 He knew just what i was thinking 
But he didnt have a polythene to put it in 
Dont bother I said I will hold it
i took the banana and I split!

(It's obvious that our dear friend Derby is woefully ignorant on all matters concerning the care of both bananas and monkeys. Monkeys are best fed during the day and bananas must always be wrapped in polythene bags. It's standard procedure.)

In conclusion, vulgarity must never be mistaken for wit. On that bombshell, good night and good luck.

Happy Days, and Nights,
Afam

4 comments:

Zeph said...

LOOOOL

Anonymous said...

Loooool. Afam I doubt we heard the same song!

bobby Ezidi said...

Omg!!! I need to download dis song... Hahahahah.. Monkey indeed..

bobby Ezidi said...

Jst downloaded it tho.. Hilariously vulgar

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