Selecta - DRB featuring Shank

I know that Toyin lived in Gbagada, and that was all very well and good but Toyin was no show stopper of a tune. Toyin was the filler material in between the two songs that you loved. It was the song that stopped you from changing the radio channel not the song that forced you to tune into one. This isn't a bad thing at all, not every song can be the single. Some are destined to be filler material for the album.

When they released Selecta some time in December, Onos O the music guy for Bella Naija said,

"DRB Lasgidi take an experimental stab at Dubstep on their official second single, “Selecta”. Fresh L, TeeZee and Boj are also assisted by the “Ghetto” crooner, Shank on this one."

Bull shit! It may be experimental but it isn't dub step. It is a rager, a banger, a CHUNE!!! When the beat drops and the creepy voice in the background instructs you to give them, you're not chilling in your mates apartment partaking of hashish as you are wont to do when you listen to dubstep; you are giving them!! Yes!! Your body is doing things that you neither understand nor care about because the need to move is so pressing that you cannot control yourself.

When I say I'm going home for the holidays, you mustn't look at me with pity because you imagine that I'm going to some third world country where the poverty is so apparent that it puts a depressing light on everything. You must look at me with envy because I'm going to a place where the summer never ends; where the party quite literally never ends.

It was at this juncture that I thought it would be best if I conferred with the queen of all Lagosian paroles (Paroles are the movements we make on a night out. Any Lagosian twenty something knows that a night with only one parole is hardly a night at all. There must be paroles!! From Churascos, we must go to Sip, and from Sip we must go to Likwid where we will be pushed around, may enter gutters and may be shot at but it's still all good; from Likwid we must go to Radisson Blue and from there we must go back to Likwid.)

Enter Afam and Fiki

Afam: Fiki, can I ask you a couple of questions about the selecta video?

Fiki: Pants! You just distracted me from my Ruzzle game against Goriola.

Afam: But we all know that it isn't necessary to complete all three rounds to beat Goriola.

Fiki: Point well made.

Afam: So what did you think about the video?

Fiki: It was beyond sick. It captured the best of the Lagos cruise.

Afam: You would know wouldn't you.

Fiki: That's all I have time for today I'm afraid. Goodbye.

The dismissal was the verbal equivalent of a spear through my heart.

Because some of you haven't got the benefit of decent enough internets that you can watch the video without smashing your device, I, Afam, the benevolent, will describe to you the events that took place in the video.

One day, while driving on a road that wasn't or isn't quite a road, the boys of DRB Teezee, Fresh L and Boj spotted a group of hot Mamas who had broken their classic Benz. It is likely that driving on such an uncivilized road is the very thing that broke the Benz but they are women, so we'll forgive them.

 As they are not lacking in chivalry, the lads decided to pull over and discover what tragedy could possibly have befallen the poor damsels.

Teezee: Why are you standing outside your car like that? Are you trying to pull a Megan Fox on us?

Boj: Yes, they were standing outside so provocatively to seduce us.

Girls: No, the bucket of bolts has broken down. :-(

FreshL: It's okay. I know a thing or two about the fixing of cars. Let me take a look at it.

Fresh L: You car appears to need a few taps. I'll just prod around, without doing much at all and it'll be as good as new in no time.

Girl: I cannot thank you enough. If you do what you've promised, I'll see that you're well rewarded. ;-)

Teezee: You better hurry up and fix this thing buddy. I need that reward. It's been too long since my last reward.

Fresh L: Wasn't that two days ago?

Teezee: Two days too long.

Fresh L: It's all done. 

Girl: Thanks so much.

Fresh L: Now let's talk about that reward.


Boj: Ah! So what are you going to give us.

FreshL: There's no us here. There is only me.

Teezee: No! I will chop the whole reward; yes, all three, for me alone.

Boj: Ehem.

Teezee: You can be second.

Teezee: So honeyz. When are we going to collect this reward. 

Girls: Never.

Boj: Sheeeet. You can't do us like this #cruellas

Girls: Catch us if you can. 

 Boj: Boys!!!! to the banter wagon!!!

Teezee: My jeans are falling down.

Fresh L: Why you no wear belt

Teezee: Shut up there. Even with me beltless you have carried last.

Fresh L: But I am trying!!

 Fresh L: Right Ho!! Pedal to the metal Boj!!


Boj: Teezee nice leg out of window.

Teezee: You think so?

Boj. Yeah it looks cool. 

Fresh L: Guys, do you think that one of the girls has turned into a man?

Teezee: the f***

Fresh L: Yeah look properly.

Boj: It's a trick of the mind. The devil is a liar.

 Girl 1: We've finally made it to the dock.

Girl 2: But why did you promise them anything?

Girl 1: I didn't think they would chase us for this long.

Girl 3: I kind of like being chased. It makes my inner goddess say Oh my!!

Girl 2: Inner goddess? Has someone been reading a little too much 50 shades?

Girl 3: I think Boj might be my Christian.

Girl 1: Run faster!! They would have caught us by now if they hadn't stopped for a change of clothes.


 Teezee: Damn they're getting into a boat.

Fresh L: It's cool, Mr Alex is just round the corner. He's pulling up now.

Boj: How did Mr Alex know where we were?

Fresh L: Oh that... He shadows me on water. You never know when a high speed water get away might be needed.

 Boj: Enough chat! put your backs into it.
Fresh L: Good job guys we made it. After them Boj!! In the mean time, my legs are cramping. I think I'll spread them out.

Teezee: I think I'll join you. I'm much too old for this.

This is a brilliant t-shirt. I want! I want! There's a Walk the Moon reference somewhere there.

Teezee: Right we've finally caught up with them. You know the plan boys, isolate, dominate and conquer. Never capitulate.

Boj: But why did they have to go to some beach party. Surely they would have wanted us to chase them to a more private location?

Fresh L: You know how they are. They're never straight forward.

Teezee: You complain too much. We must out party them. Only then will we achieve success. 

 Dekunle Abudu: Teezee you bad guy. I know what you are doing. I see you.

Teezee: The eye sees not itself.

 Boj: So you've finally come to daddy and stopped running.

Girl: I'm a little bit of a runs girl. I had to make sure that you were in it for the long haul.

Boj: FreshL and Teezee you guys are lagging behind.

Teezee: I know. But my baby has disappeared yet again.

Fresh L: She seems to have escaped to the beach.

 Teezee: I see. I will catch you by force. Today na today. You no go escape.

 Fresh L: Story Man. Can't you see that they've stopped running.

Teezee: But why did you have to run all day.

Girl: So that we could have all night to play.

And so it was that all the boys of DRB walked off into the Lagosian sunset with the girls of their dreams.

Happy Days,


Imoteda said...

I must say that your description of the video was far more entertaining than the video itself was.
And while I am fearful of incurring your wrath I must also inform you that I believe you must be related to one of the members of DRB. The song may not make me change the station (mostly because I have horrible taste in music anyway) but really I wouldn't go as far as to describe it as a "CHUNE". It's more like the song that would encourage me to return to my seat and bop my head in a club.
*goes off hunting for dope ass tshirt*

Afam said...

I am not related to any of the members of DRB. The only problem here is that I'm a little bit of a baseline junkie. It is a chune. It is a chune because I know that when I am more than 4 parts drunk this song will inspire me to pull the most diabolical moves. Moves so diabolical that my friends will shake their heads and sigh.

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Reni J said...

Haha, awesome analysis of the video, some of the captures are hilarious as well! Lol. x

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