The Definitive Guide to surviving your shit days (Charlie Sheening)

There are days when the mini sun that you normally carry within your heart that's responsible for beaming truly stupendous and stupefying levels of felicity and gaiety on the unsuspecting public dies. There are days when it feels like the heaven themselves are closed to you; days when whatever life you had in you has departed, leaving you a dead dry husk of a thing; an empty shell of a human being. But because we are men and women of substance, we cannot capitulate to these foul days. We must scream our spirit defying mantra at the top of our lungs: "NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!!" If we didn't we wouldn't be men, or women, we would be mice; no, we would be less than mice, we would be battery cage chickens. Instead of curling up on the floor to die, we must step out with an air of serenity and confidence that belies the unmanly or unwomanly turmoil that stirs within us. We must claim to be the sons and daughters of Adonis, with tiger blood flowing through our veins. In spite of all the calamities that the universe has wrought upon us (this includes the ones that we bring upon ourselves) we must maintain that we are winning. WE MUST CHARLIE SHEEN!!!!!

Note the number of exclamation marks here. It is no coincidence that I used five, for in times like these we must project ourselves five times over; we must increase our muchness at least five fold; we must summon in us the optimism of at least five men. This is what we need to keep reaching for tomorrow, because the sun will always come out tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that, and the tomorrow after that, and the tomorrow after that.

And when all's said and done, we'll be like

Happy Days,
(Winning since 2012)

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