are you foreign, straight or kinky

As the natural hair versus everything else debate wages all about me, I, Afam have finally formed an opinion. You may think that this really has nothing to do with me, but I don't care. I'm Afam and my sanity is questionable. I've got a therapist and everything.

I'll be straight with you. I am a writer, and if you look very closely at the definition of writer you'll find the word penniless. I am not ashamed of it. It is what it is. However, I do not generally like to be reminded of this, so I do not like expensive weaves. All I see when I look at your Brazilian, Peruvian, or Indian, is my rent. Yes, you are wearing my rent on your head and it stings. It burns even more when I know that underneath that mane of unnaturally long and buoyant hair lies a perfectly decent head of hair. While that doesn't sound very good, it isn't the worst thing of all. Nothing can be worse than an expensive weave that comes out ratchet and raggedy as hell. That's just bad behaviour. It is unforgivable.

\ Double Bag. Triple bag? Shave it? Wear a hat? No. No. Fail of life. Your hair stylist is a devil. So you mean to tell me that this gurr took a picture of this with her own hand and put it on the innerwebs? Behold the most spectacular example of a self saboteur. Her bride price must be negative by now.

I quite like chemically straightened hair. I didn't call it a perm there, for the use of the word perm is ambiguous. I will not discuss why it is ambiguous because this is something that I assume everyone knows. Yes, the same way that I assume that everyone knows the meaning of idiot or retard. Straightened hair allows one to discern the holders of that elusive thing called good hair. This is especially crucial for me as my hair is the very definition of nappy. Every morning I am greeted by the sudden but not unexpected growth of a rice farm on my head. It would be evil of me to subject them to a childhood filled with broken combs and tears. As I am not evil, I aspire to better my gene pool via the inclusion of the good hair gene.

I adore natural hair. The exposure of a woman's natural kinky twisted locks inspire in me such feelings of devotion that I have to slap myself lest I become a slobbering fool. The fact that someone's chosen something so unconventional, speaks volumes of her character. At the very least you know that she isn't very concerned with the whispers on the wind. It could also quite easily mean that she isn't the most material person in the world, and this translates as someone who's prepared to work her way up with you. It belies a sort of independence that I find incredibly endearing.

However, you should only do what you're comfortable with, for if you decide to go completely natural and then descend into a bucket of insecurities about your appearance you only really have yourself to blame. Nobody forced your hand. At the end of the day it is essential that you put your best foot forward wearing whatever shoe you're most comfortable with. If you're a mess after shaving your head, no one will say that it was a brave thing for you to do, all they'll say is that you should pull yourself together as soon as you possibly can.

Happy Days,
Afam

10 comments:

Reni J said...

Hair post?? I think Mo (Within my Locket) and I have been influencing you!

bwtrump said...

Lol. If only you knew how costly it can be to maintain natural hair. Contrary to popular belief, natural hair is not at all low-maintenance. But yay to hair post! :)

bwtrump said...

Lol. If only you knew how costly it can be to maintain natural hair. Contrary to popular belief, natural hair is not at all low-maintenance. But yay to hair post! :)

Imoteda said...

I get so bored with hair conversations now. Between the natural nazis throwing tubs of shea butter at you in drive bus, the relaxed press n curl chicks talk bout "I don't wanna be white! I love my black!" and the brothers who claim to love natural hair but really want it on a mixed or chit chick, a woman's hair has ceased to be her own. I've gone from relaxed to natural to weaved to braided back to relaxed then natural again and now relaxed in the past two years and EVERY SINGLE TIME my hair changes it HAS TO BE A CONVERSATION!!! Last weekend one of my friends looked and me and said "I can't believe you sold out. You were to beautiful natural."

BITCH!!! Are you saying I'm not beautiful now???? Back up off my hair before I drown you in a tub of relaxer

#noangerherefolks

Just let each person do as they feel with their hair and focus on important things. Like getting married Before 30

Precious Nwabugo said...

Lol i was natural, and i loved and hated every single part of the journey. I stuck out longer cause other people kept telling to do something about it especially my mother. Staying up till 4am in the morning trying to get my hair done, was not cutting it for me, when i had to go to school or work in the morning by 8am. I did weaves, now i cut it short again for the summer, it's just hair. I used to get upset when people talked about hair, like my life should be all about it, but now i just laugh and let it go.Like the person above said, it's tired.

Afam said...

Dear top famzer, you have some really bitchy friends.

Mo Ray said...

Lol Hair posts are the way forward :)

Afam said...

Apparently. I think I should document my hair journey.

Afam said...

I think you make a good point. Sometimes, hair is just hair.

Funlocky said...

This blog post sounds like I wrote it lol!! Sometimes I get upset at my people...

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