Are you sexy when you work out?

Hello. I'm Afam, and I'm sexy. Sexy doesn't touch it really. If there was an adjective that was sexier than sexy then I would use it instead of sexy. That's how sexy I am. There is no man sexier than me. I'm not a sexy beast because I've got a 4 pack that's super imposed on my pot belly of childhood, or because I've got the arms of a kwashiorkor patient, or even because I've got the legs of some sort of insect creature. I'm a sexy beast because I tell myself I am every day; mind over matter and all that.

I feel sexiest when I work out. You see when I jog it out, or do the high knees, or do the ski jumps, or do the power jacks my body gets covered with a fine sheen, brought about by the copious amount of sweat seeping from my pores. When that happens I glow like a demigod and it's acceptable for me to swing my head left and right like to rid my nappy curls of the droplets of sweat gathered there. And when I do push ups, push up jacks, moving push ups, and the hip flexor stretch my muscles bulge with pornographic vulgarity. Yes, there's no time sexier than work out time. These days, I do the insanity and swim. Why do I swim? I swim because it's acceptable to wear next to nothing, and you'd best believe that I've got those barely there speedos on. There's nothing as sexy as nudity. 

I imagine that I'm too sexy to not share my sexiness with the world, so a little while ago I decided to take a few pictures of me working out and put them on here so that you could all admire my apparent sexiness. 

Let's have a look at me swimming shall we?

Ah! That's not very good. That's my constipation face. Yeah, that's the face I make when I'm getting ready to push out a real bitch of a shit. And shit isn't sexy. 2 girls one cup literally killed my sex drive. I didn't get a boner for a week after watching it. And the worst thing about 2 girls one cup, was that my brother's girlfriend at the time, Siegfried the Dragon Slayer, was watching me watch it. She saw me smile when the girls made out and then she saw me retch when they shat into a cup. She knows too much about me that one. I should call her soon.

Well, I suppose this one is sexy in it's own way. I look like I could kill someone, and that's probably because I don't really like the butterfly, even though you get to wind your body like a mermaid or a mammy of the water and what could be sexier than that? All the same, I don't think this is a good look for me. It's more Hitler than Casanova, and more rapey than unsubtle seduction. I'll bite my bottom lip next time.

 And what of when I do the Insanity?

Oh yeah! Look at that smoulder. I'm even giving armpit hair! What could be more appealing than that? And the stains on my shorts are sweat patches. How do you like me now? On a side note, those Jack Wills shorts used to be sweat pants. I snipped them up. Fashion moment? I think so. Yeah. Hashtag Instafashion. #instafashion

This is another good one, lips slightly parted, eyes confused with desire. That's how you make love to a camera. You have to appear slightly befuddled by the idea that you should ever make love to the camera.
This is another great one. You can see my back pimples, and the scar in my lower back from when I got stabbed while clubbing back in the day. 

After reviewing the pictures, I've come to the conclusion that the Insanity is sexier than swimming, because swimming makes you look like a rapist, while the Insanity makes you look like a pervert.

Happy Days,

PS. The Insanity is a work out DVD by Shaun T. It's very good. I'm already seeing results. 


Anonymous said...

Yum, yummy;Sexy naughty Afam! You haff kolo finish and I love it :D

Audrey said...

this post just made me laugh

WellUninspired said...

You really are just a crazy person lol!

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