The other time I met a mammy of the water water...

On the 31st of October, the very very terrible day when all manner of super natural creatures come out to play with us mere mortal, I, Afam, the rambling madman, saw a Mammy water, or a mami wata, or a Mammy of the water. I generally prefer to call it a mammy water. I blogged about it here:

Today I saw it again. You see, I go to the beach near where I live to walk my dogs, Captain Reginald and Sabrina.

That's me and the dogs. The t-shirt's from Topman, the belts a crafty one from Peru, the jeans are diesel ones and the sandals/ slippers are from All Saints. I'm also wearing Rayban Wayfarers but you can't really see them here... pity. I'll upload some more pictures later. 
I looked left and there it was. 

It seemed fascinated with its footprints in the sand. It was just standing there, staring at nothing. My guess was that it didn't find Asap Rocky, so it came back to our Lagosian shores to ask some more questions. I hollered at it, because we were already mates. I make friends easily. All I need is 10 minutes with you and we shall be besties. 
It looked perplexed and I briefly entertained the thought that it didn't remember me, but I batted it aside. I'm Afam. I'm nothing if not memorable. If you meet me, you shall never forget it.
It really didn't recognise me. It looked like it was about to strike me down or something. I looked around me for the dogs, but they'd fled. My dogs are self serving cowards. They only bark when the prospect of harm is zero.
Then quite suddenly, with no warning at all, it said, "Wassap dawg!" It was rather doodish for a mammy water. And its ta tas were even smaller than I remembered. I was pleased that it recognised me because I didn't want to be ravaged. My body is a Temple wonderland
It was so pleased to see me, that it went straight into a Usain Bolt inspired pose but this might have been a part of its mating dance. 
Then it leapt into the air and there was this "peeew" sound. Yeah, the one you hear when someone slashes a light saber or fires a laser.
Everything wen black for a little bit. I woke up in my garden. It was looking at me intently. I checked myself quickly to see if it had taken advantage of my magic induced slumber. Thankfully, I was just as chaste as I was when I met it. I do not think that this mammy is the sort of mammy you want as a notch on your belt.

That's it there, among the ficus trees. I didn't know what to make of it really. It was like waking up to see a rabid dog raping you with its eyes. i was a bit confused about how it was that I woke up in my garden and how it was that the Mammy knew where I live. But I suppose Mammy Waters learn stalking 101 in school. 
It darted towards me but I jumped back. It was coming on too strongly. I didn't think I was ready. Plus I still didn't know if it had a gender. Anyway you look at it, it's a man in a skirt. Or a very ugly chick in a skirt. I think it's about a 3 on the hotness scale. 

The shock on my face didn't deter it from shaking its ass in front of me though. It wasn't a good ass shaker as far as ass shakers go. It only performed a side to side shaking motion and not the decidedly sexier back and backer twerking motion that's so in right now. 

When it was finished it looked at me and said, "How about we take this to your bedroom?" I was dumbfounded. It took my silence for acquiesence 

It took a step forward, and pressed its suit further saying, "I'll give you some Afternoon delight so good, that you'll be sure to meet your demise shortly after."

I let it down lightly. Anyone who knows anything about afternoon delight knows that you don't do it when your grandma who's got dementia's in the next room. If she hears a second coming, she might think it's the second coming, and that will never end well. She took it well. She said peace out, and strode towards the beach. I followed her out because I wanted to make sure that she went out, and stayed out. I can't have a Mammy in my garden, Captain Reginald will get jealous.

It magicked a scarf unto her back as it walked towards the water. As she walked she said, "Are you sure you don't want to give it a go? It'll be glorious." I was sure, so I let it go. 

It magicked its scarf away, and trudged on towards the water with the deliberateness of the recently disappointed. I felt bad, but it isn't my fault that I'm pedantic. 

Happy Days,

This concludes the Mammy of the water water series. It was an exercise in frivolity. I enjoyed it. I hope you did too.


Schiz said...

Is it bad that I found this so funny I snorted out coke through my nostrils? The mammy of the water is a minger! Really good one! Just found you. Rock on!

Afam said...


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