The one about the Nigerian anti gay law

Before I begin, I'll apologise. This post is and will be vulgar. I used the future tense there because I haven't written it yet. It's currently a series of disorganised thoughts in my mind, but I know that they'll come out one way or the other. Come out... I laughed when I typed that. It's related to what you're about to read.

This one's about the Nigerian anti-gay law. You know I'm liberal right? Yeah, I don't really care who gets with who, or what gets with what, or if your wife wears a strap on when you both have sex. I  don't particularly care about other people's sex lives. Call it selfish or call it self protection but I'm only perfectly fine talking about sex with the people who live inside my head. I know it's more than a little bit schizo but this blog isn't called the ramblings of a madman for nothing. So I do not care what gets shoved in any woman's vagina, or where any man sticks his penis. If the other party is of age and perfectly willing then it really isn't my problem. Yes, that's my stance on sex. Not my penis, not my problem. But all of that's by the way. I think Nigerians are confused about what it means to be gay.

Human beings are messy. There are things that aren't things, and there are things that are things. Nothing's ever black or white. Everything's some muddy shade of grey. Let me explain what I mean. So he's married and he's got two children. He could still be gay. So he's gay, he might still sleep with a woman. It's a penis. If it's tumescent it will work. Drop the semantics. The people that say that homosexuality somehow threatens the future of the human race should go suck on a lollipop or something. If the human race was in danger, more than one penis would literally rise to the occasion. And there's something that we call artificial insemination. Anyone that wants a child can get one. It really isn't that difficult. Penis ejaculates in condom, condom gets emptied in vagina = baby.

In my opinion no one can tell you that you are gay. So say there's a guy that gets horny from time to time. And say that when he gets horny, he gets head from other guys. Is he gay or is he just a horny guy? Or is he a gay guy in denial. Or is he bisexual? Or is he just curious? Or does he literally not care what mouth does the job? And say there's a guy that likes it up the bum but he doesn't like men doing him up the bum,? What if he'd much rather a dildo, or a woman with a strap on. Is he gay? Or does he just like anal sex? If being gay is illegal, then what of gay sex, because not everyone that has gay sex is gay. And is there a statute of limitations on being gay? For instance, loads of people had weird childhoods and teenage years with a few questionable moments. Let's say you touched another dude's penis during shower time at school when you were 7. Is that gay? Could that guy say that you're gay because he remembers that you grabbed his penis when you were 7? And what if you stop being gay over night. Like what if you literally stop liking members of the same sex overnight. Are you still gay? And what if you are gay, but you're celibate, are you still liable? This sort of thinking is particularly relevant to Nigerian society because somewhere, there's a miracle service going on for the gay cure. So, what does the law mean by gay? Because I don't know. And I haven't actually read a copy of the goddamn law so I can't critique it properly.

Furthermore, why would anyone throw a man convicted of gayness in prison? Can you imagine the conversation he'll be having in his overcrowded cell? No? That's because he won't be having any conversation. He'll be fucked. He will literally get it, any every which way it can be got! Don't be prudish here. Let's get into it properly. If gayness is a crime, why would you throw anyone that's gay into the country's hub of gay activity? Of course there are some of you thinking, "but they don't have gay sex in prison." I won't even talk to you. I can't deal.

Then there's the idea that people choose to be gay... Why? I mean why would ANYONE choose it? It's not the most attractive option. People have offed themselves over it. Do you think they wanted to be gay? Do you think it's awesome that they thought it was better to be dead than it was to be themselves? And even if it is a sin, the only sinful part of it is actually having sex with a member of the same sex. But here's the thing, celibacy doesn't make you not gay. And when did straight people choose to be straight? Isn't it by default? Is it so bizarre to think that being gay might be by default too?

And then it isn't any country that's making such a big deal about gayness it's Nigeria. Do you know how sad it is? Let me tell you. Today, I waited at a government office from 11 to 5 for them to print out a letter because there was no power. Yes. I know. Dire. So you're a conservative, a staunch supporter of the traditional way, are you not concerned that our law makers are more interested in man on man, and girl on girl sex than they are in who has food, and who is starving, and who is safe and who isn't safe? They call it a spread of Western Values but in the west they are not dying of malaria, and seventy percent of them don't live under the poverty line.  

The entire condition of the country is sad. It's such a bad joke! A couple of months ago, I saw the president and his lackeys celebrating the national Sunday service or something, and I could only laugh. I thought, "so are you really thanking God for the opportunity to be corrupt?"As always I'm entertained. It is mildly entertaining isn't it? It's entertaining the way Tears of the Sun was entertaining. Yeah, women got their breasts sliced off and raped in that.

And I've mainly focused of the Gs in the LGBTQ because as far as I've heard, the law really only focuses on the Gs. Who the Gs are, I don't quite know, but it's 55 minutes past 2 and I'm tired. I'm tired of a lot of things. I miss my friends. I'm facebooking with Eragon but it isn't the same. I love him. I love him almost as much as I love my brother. He wants to come down to Lagos in Easter, and I'm so happy I could cry. I'm sad that I won't be there when he finally gets his shit together and gets a girlfriend. I'd have been the third wheel but it would have been great still. I miss how active I was last year. I miss my studio on the 21st floor of student castle. I miss living alone. I hate that Papa Afam doesn't knock when he barges into my room. It's been embarrassing more than a few times. I can't even tell you how. I'm open, but I'm not that open. I suppose I should be glad that they waited 23 years to let me put a lock on my door.

Tonight, I'll say a prayer for the guy that's going to get arrested for being gay tomorrow.

Happy Days,


Anonymous said...

hilarious but I agree with EVERYTHING..keep blogging..its unreal how much you crack me up haahaha..

anonymous out. *inserts peace sign*

Anonymous said...

I share 100% of the sentiments expressed here. And you are a fantastic writer, judging from this piece. Well done!

Feyi Adesanya said...

Afam, I love you. Goodnight x

chime murphy said...

i am loving this blog,will definitely get it saved, just came across it by chance and i must say i am impressed.

Afam said...

Thanks so much Chime!

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