Why did I say beautiful and not handsome? Will you get off my back? It's just an adjective. Handsome is often too restrictive. I feel like it confines itself to the physicality of the person it describes. Beautiful is a lot better because you can be beautiful but incredibly terrible looking, which is why I was surprised when people complained that it was Lupita who won the People's magazine most beautiful person of the year not some illustration of classical Hollywood prettiness. Does that phrase make sense? I don't know. Do I care? Do I care? I shall find out in the morning. I don't care too much about it now but that doesn't mean I won't care in the morning. We who live at night should be wary of ourselves in the morning. I'm only twenty four but I already have a lifetime of regrets. No, being Afam isn't one of them. Being Afam saved my life, or should I say our life? I wish I'd loved less. If I had I wouldn't be so spent. No, I'm not going to talk more about this. If you ask me about it I'll kill you. No, I won't kill you, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I want to say things and have you lot take them at face value. But for the sake of telling a more complete story, I'll say that I've come to believe that love that is unrequited is the purest most selfless kind of love that there is, and that I, Afam, have always been a little bit of an overachiever. That's all I'm going to say about that.
About Lupita, how could any of you doubt that she is deserving of the most beautiful person of the year award? Have you heard her speak? Have you seen her smile? It's an incredibly honest smile. All who see it cannot help but believe it. It isn't fake or forced. It's a beautiful smile. I've come to believe that it is not the eyes that reflect the soul but the mouth. When those lips pull apart you see the essence of a person's being. You can tell if they're calculating, wet, or shy, because of how quickly one is willing to reveal some of his or her teeth. Lupita's smile is quick, wide, and self assured. No self assured is the wrong word. Lupita's smile is too honest to be concerned with the trivialities that surround its luminance. And what of her skin? Does is not glimmer with the full bodied sheen of health? Is that not beautiful? It is so radiant that you know that it isn't just because it is good skin that is shines so. It is surely a mirror of the qualities that lurk within her.
Being 24, has been a little bit weird so far. I've been moody, and sleepy and I've been eating lots. I feel like I need a moment to stop and take it all in you know? I'm not processing well. I generally don't process things well. If I were a computer I'd be a Windows 95. It can take me a full week to wrap my head around the slightest thing. I've been eating so much that I miss Caderrousse, the terrible cook Papa Afam kicked out. He was with us for two months and a bit. He was delightful for my waist line. His very presence in the kitchen cast a miasma so thick that I was forcibly relieved of anything resembling an appetite. If I keep up this pace of wanton gluttony I shall be fat. If I am fat, my clothes will not fit, and I will have to go about naked. Not that I mind too much. I have been fully clothed for 24 years, I deserve some time off for my compliance.
April is done, and we're in May. I'm tired of feeling moody, so I shall stop. I'm sorry for stating the obvious earlier. It's an awful habit. I'll try to stop that too. In the mean while, I shall continue as I was before the 24 phunk hit me. At the end of the day I'm only a year older and nobody really cares but me.