Oh man! Oh man! I need a shot of something strong to steady my belly.
Okay, I've done my shot.
Ehem... Not very long ago, I was a fashion policeman. Yes, I was a downright fashion assassin. If you dressed like a Neanderthal, I'd be the first to call you out for it. It didn't matter if you were famous or not. Or important or not. If you dressed like a little bit of an idiot, I felt that it was my heavenly duty to inform you and the world of your idiocy. Some of you were pleasantly tickled, and some of you were tragically offended. A few of you thought, "but who is this Afam to be running his mouth like a villain." I shall show you who I am. By God, I shall show you! I am an honourable fellow. I am incapable of lauding myself over the lot of you. I have a pair of eyes, and I can tell when something is awry, even on me. Especially on me. So without any further ado I give you the, the time, the time, Afam committed Fashion Suicide.
Who the who is this fellow and why is he looking like someone killed his dog? I mean, he could have tried for a smile at the very least. Smiling is easy. All he had to do was pull his lips apart. The premiere must have been awful. That's the only thing that can explain the sombre expression. As for the clothes... WHAT THE ERRR MERRRR GEEERRRRRDDDDD is he wearing. The trousers are fine, and the shoes are fine too, but the top half. Oh my days the top half. He needs to enter a magicians box and SAW IT OFF!! Yes! SAW! THAT! TOP! HALF! OFF! RAAAAAAAH AAAAARGH!
Let's do this properly. The bowtie's alright, but he should have straightened the shirt's collar. All of the issues at the neck could have been averted if dood owned a mirror. Then what is up with that waist coat and shirt combo? Is he an aspiring waiter? Or is he there as after party entertainment for the ladies, and a few choice men? ... cough... cough chippendales. In all honesty it would have been better if he came without the shirt. That way even though he'd have been looking like a sex offender, he would at the very least have been looking like he had a job. I think he may have salvaged the ungainly Jack Sparrow esque look if he had had the sense to roll up his sleeves a little bit higher. Lastly why is he not wearing a watch? Is he a moron. Time waits for no one, and a stitch in time always saves nine. This chap obviously needs all the saving he can get. NEXT!