Cummins Stop Buggering the Professor!!

Oh! My blood is boiling! I'm so agitated that I'm typing like I'm playing staccato notes on the piano. Of course, this may be due to the fact that I'm deathly afraid of catching Ebola from my keyboard. Don't be silly, I know that my keyboard can't infect me but...

Hand sanitiser break. Forgive me.

I can't help myself. My fear is obsessive. My fear is compulsive. My fear is not a disorder.

Hand sanitiser break.

It could also be due to some corporate folly, foolishness, inanity, recklessness, thoughtlessness, and downright wickedness. Companies won't you have mercy? You famzers (dear and undear readers) need a little background info.

If you read about Nigeria, you'll read that Nigeria currently generates 5000 mega watts of electricity, and you'll read that 5000 megawatts of electricity is too low for 170 million people. The only problem with that statistic is that it doesn't tell you jack shit. If you don't live in Nigeria, you're reading that and thinking, "poor, poor Nigerian people. We must give money to the African children. They shouldn't have to suffer so."

The stress vein on my forehead is a second away from bursting. I must take a minute to calm down. Jesus take the wheel. 

What you do not understand is that 5,000 mega watts means that some of us do not see or smell power for months and months. Some of us even go to the cinema for air conditioning. Those of us that aren't desolate have generators. You may be thinking that generators are the toys of the rich but you lot know nothing. Any poor man worth his stuff has a tiny locomotive he can rely on. This my friends is the Nigerian truth. Generators are mini gods. They make millionaires and wreck businesses. If a company like Cummins sells you a dud you are buggered. I don't just mean wham bam thank you man buggered, I mean, you are monumentally, fantastically, and epically screwed, because once you call them for maintenance, you'll never stop calling them for maintenance. They're like pringles, ever popping, never stopping.

And now for the introduction.

Well, my name is Afam, and I have sponsors. It's one of the perks of being me. What am I saying? It's a privilege that I cannot thank God enough for. It would have been tragic if I were to have been someone else. That's not to say that I'm perfect. I'm so far from perfection that I despair sometimes, but this is natural. I do my best now to be better tomorrow. Sometimes, my best now isn't very good at all, but it's something, and something, as we all know, is better than nothing. 

Me in Whispering Palms. It's an amazing resort that faces the Lagos lagoon.
The other day, one of my sponsors, Whispering Palms (the best holiday spot in all of Nigeria) informed me of their vile treatment and the hand of Cummins, the generator people. At first I couldn't believe it, because Cummins has a brilliant reputation, or they have a brilliant reputation outside Nigeria. These two things don't have to go hand in hand. It is likely that the Nigerian arm leverages on the good name of the company and then goes to town on destroying it. To confirm my suspicions I went to google. Yes, I entered google and I found that Cummins Inc's second quarter earnings were up 7.7% but that this increase in earnings from the previous quarter was almost purely as a result of a strong performance in North America. The engine maker's overseas businesses aren't doing very well in comparison and I'm not surprised, they treated my sponsors like they were the red headed step child of life. They treated my sponsors so appallingly that I am weeping as I type this. I am bald with grief. But enough about me, let's talk about what the bad bad company did.

Whispering Palms was looking for a new generator because generators aren't permanent things, they crumble and die. Well, Whispering palms is still looking for a new generator because Cummins buggered them and if they're not looking for a new generator then they're looking for generator parts which is abysmal when you consider that the 350 kva generator they bought is barely three months old! A 350 kva generator goes for about $50,000. That would pay for me to go to college for a masters easily. One year's tuition, can you believe it? I've got ahead of myself, let's backtrack.

Whispering Palms was looking for a new generator so they called Cummins in for a consultation. You know what I mean right? They called them in for a check out what I've got and tell me what I need session. It's what you do when you go to the doctor.

Enter Hypothetical you and Doctor, Doctor.

You: Doctor I've got a fever, an itch and a stitch

Doctor: That sounds like quite the pinch

You: You haven't the slightest!
        I've been itching and scratching
        and wailing and sighing
        I think I might be dying.

Doctor: Ah! I know what's troubling you
             All you need is this nasty brew.
             A sip of this and a draught of that
            You'll be right as rain by morning's dew

Except that you aren't. #awkward

This is exactly what happened in the case of Whispering palms and Cummins. Cummins recommended that Whispering Palms purchase a generator that was unsuited to their climate (fairly humid, with lots of salt in the air), so it isn't surprising that they've had to change the generator's exciter 3 times despite it being brand new. The only thing is that it's been Whispering Palms paying for the repairs. I cannot understand this? It's like paying for punishment. This isn't a re-enaction of 50 Shades of Grey, it's extortion. If you recommend a naff product, the least you can do is replace it with one that isn't threatening to drive the business into the ground. The professor that owns it is 82 this year for Christ's sake! Are you trying to kill him? Jesus!

Happy Days,

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