WAHEY!!! What it do? How it do? How are you doing? It's 12 minutes past 12 on a Wednesday but I'm a popper not a stopper and the night is popping.  Mama Afam and Papa Afam are in Barcelona, and I Afam am home alone. Me, home alone means that I am attended by one ill mannered cook, one illiterate steward, one sneaky Gardener, and one High Service Washerman. I'm technically living like a king, but to be perfectly honest, this living arrangement makes me uncomfortable. I'll tell you why?

The other day, I was in Stranger (My favourite place in all the world) talking to Tolu Ogunlesi, and Chris who writes for Aljazeera and other drool worthy corporations and media enterprises, mouthing off about my plans for a Masters in the States. I felt guilty for my privilege I tell you. My life is absurd anyway you look at it. I have all the perks of the good life but I own none of it. I am only an order away from being disowned. I don't mean to be pessimistic but it's true. The chances of this happening are all but zero but that doesn't mean I don't chew it over repeatedly.

Yes. I know what you're thinking. Believe me I do. You're thinking,

"The title of this awfully plain and overly verbose blog says LFDW Street Style/Astro turf carpet style day one, so where is the LFDW banter?"

 So let's get on with it.
The rules are a little bit different this year.
  1. I will not walk around with my iphone out collecting your names, because chances are I will drop it and lose it, and I'll be honest, you name isn't worth as much as my phone is. 
  2. I will only take pictures of things and people that thrill me. You've really got to be the human equivalent of cocaine. 

This lovely lady is a copy writer at an Advertising Agency. She went on leave to help out at LFDW. I gave her a ride home the day before yesterday. She lives around the corner from me. How is it that I know all of these things, but I cannot for the life of me remember what her name is. This is a problem. She's very nice looking. We didn't have much of a conversation before I took the photograph because my boss was torturing me from afar. Too many orders at once make the springs come out of this Afam. 

How cool is he. This is Bayo Oke Lawal of Orange Culture fame. He's wearing an Orange Culture shirt that I do not dislike. The only problem is he's wearing it so well that I have no desire to compete. That's one shirt I shall not be buying. 

Here we've got Deola. She blogs as well, and she's wearing clothes from L'espace. They're trying to sell their market and I'm exceedingly generous. If you like what she's wearing google L'Espace. No, I don't know what you'll find if you google it. And no, I'm not going to google it. It is now 1 in the morning. I have work at 9. But you don't really care about that do you? I like this relationship. I don't really care that much about you, and you don't really care that much about me, but we're extremely amicable. This what being blog buddies is all about. 

And here we've got Folu Storms who I quite like. After having her number on my phone for an entire year, I finally used it. Yay me. We text on Wattsapp. I'm using her to cement my Z lister status. I'm crawling people, soon, you'll be saying Afam like you say Dbanj. No, I kid. If that ever happens I'll pull a Renee Zellweger. 

This is the polite sort of clapping that you only see at Fashion Week. Did they like the collection? Probably not, but it's rude to not clap. If you ever see me looking like Bayo looks here, just know I'm being incredibly vile in my head. Like there was one time during the show that I was thinking, "FREE HER CHEST!!!" One designer completely wrecked a models breasts. He/She reduced them to nothing. Can you imagine it? Seeing someone that's usually a C go down to a an A-. Is it not wicked. On a more positive note. I saw some side boob, and that made me happy. I am nothing if not a man of simple pleasures. 

Some more fashion people. I quite like this picture actually. I caught them mid shade. Hurray for me, Afam for the win, Afam will not let any one else win!
And other lines that sound like that. 
Her name's Eku Edewor and she's pretty great. She hugged me even though I smelled like a farmer. As her arms brushed my back, and her cheeks brushed mine I felt the slightest shudder, but her smile remained fixed. This made me so happy. It was like she was singing that Enrique Iglesias song to me. You know the one don't you? Hero. It goes like this.
I will hug you when you're smelly (too- nooo- naa-nooo)
I can praise away the doubt (poo- noo- naa-niii) 

she can. One compliment from her and I'll... I don't know what I'll do. Something along the lines of that Eliza Dolittle song in My Fair Lady... I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more... etc. etc. etc.)

I will pose for all you pictures. 
You can be my camera man
I will be your Eku girl.

Okay. I'll concede that this isn't the most beautiful picture of her, but I like it. I really like it. As this is my blog and not yours, you lot are obliged to like it. Like it. Like it. Like it I say. Like it. Like it. If you don't like it, sod off. No don't Sod off. My page views have been abysmal lately.

Here we've got Ada. She's great. She's probably the most stylish person in Lagos. She isn't street style photographer baiting or any nasty thing like that. The picture reminds me of shiny shiny cufflinks and shirt sleeves that enhance, pure Egyptian cotton, and the Kids that don't stand a chance. I love her fro also. I like fros you know? They're more polarising than you know. 

WOAH MAMA!! Adejoke of Ebony Life's EL NOw was complaining about looking a little bit bad before I took the pisho. She was trying and trying to discourage me, and she might have if I was not Afam. But I am Afam... insert songs of praise... You didn't praise me so I shall praise my self. I am Afam the magnificent, the swollen headed, the Oga at the top. I'll end there because once you're the oga at the top, you've hit the ceilling. You can't be the oga of the top of the top, or can you? Anyway she looks banging. It's the pictorial equivalent of Attitude gyal!

Okay famzers. I'm going to eat. I have Afam likes to eat at 1:30 in the morning syndrome. I got it from my daddy. I can't write when I'm hungry. When I'm hungry all I hear in my head is Hungry, Eat, Hungry, Eat. If you talk to me when I'm so afflicted I think, "Why is he/she talking to me if he/she is not edible... Or is he/she edible?" 

After I ate I started watching an episode of the Flash and then I fell asleep. It's the morning now, so I'll be brief. No, brief is hard. I will be quick. The names may be mangled and twisted but this is okay. You'll forgive me won't you. 

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One of the things I love about street style is the practicality of it. I mean this Dashiki mini dress that Nikki's wearing (I don't know that she was wearing shorts underneath it, but that's model behaviour) is accessible to everyone. I have one, my sister Bintin has one, everyone I know has one. They're the plebian fashion heroes and they're just as important as any of the things shown at fashion week. Her Afro took 10 months to grow. I'm jealous. If I grew my hair for ten months all I'd get out of it would be a rice plantation with a widows peak. Hair loss is a devil.

And here we have bae. She isn't really Bae, but if there was a Bae I wouldn't be displeased if she looked like Ngozi. She looks awesome. That face is everything. That's original. I mean, I like smiles as much as the next guy but little bits of originality like this give me such joy! She looks like herself and that is everything.
Shols. I informed her that when you come to a place with photographers in what appears to be a shirt, over a shirt, you're going to get caught. I didn't listen to her No-s. In the business of Street Photography there is no such thing as no. Actually there is, but I usually charm the no into a yes. You do it with flattery and constant yammering. You overwhelm the victim with your muchness, and pull them in. Then when they trust you enough you snap and send them on their way. 

This photograph is probably the better of the two but i have no time to edit or delete, so, more will have to do. 

I really like this photograph of Chichi. She designed the female bit of Soboye, which I quite liked. I didn't like Soboye at all last year so I was surprised when things I found visually appealing walked down that runway. She's really hot isn't she? 

And Toyin my Soho-Boo. I met her at LFDW last year and we've been buddies since. I'm going to head off to instagram to find an image that proves it. And she's wearing a Lanre Da Silva ensemble I think. She's hosts some Ndani Red Carpet that I haven't been on yet, and I won't sell it properly until they put me on it. 

She's cool peoples. 

I'd like to introduce you to a verrrrrr speeeecials somborri. Honey on the left is Dede Bosagie, and she's brilliant. I have to say that my photography skills aren't bad at all. I think she's standing with Morayo... I could be wrong there. They're a remarkable looking pair. If I said anything more it'd be inappropriate. 

And this is my friend Denola Grey who has the best men's fashion I take pictures of myself blog in Lagos. He looks like himself which is always good. He's one of the best people I know, and I'm not just saying that. Can you imagine me calling someone mid panic attack saying, "Balthasar I'm going to be a fuck up, I'm going to be a fuck up, I'm going to be a fuck up." Whenever that's happened he usually says something like, "Everything's going to be okay. There are rainbows at the end of your dreams." He's on some eat pray love shit, and it's such great shit. Guru Grey I salute you.

There's a lot of Bayo here. He says this is him being lazy. When people say things like that I want to wallop them. I looked like a house boy at the time and there's this well put together guy telling me that what he's wearing is lazy, STAHP and GO AWAY. 

Fade Ogunro. I hope I got that right. I listen to her radio show. She's really ather good at it. I'll confess that when I first got back I didn't like her radio show at all, and I may have thrown some light shade, but she's won me over. I'm team Fade all the way. It's between 7 and 9 on Saturday's and Sundays I think. 

Temi Dollface gets three pictures because she's incredible and she's giving me a free t-shirt. I kid. I don't know what it is about per se (is that per say?). I look at her and I think yes. I want to buy into this. I think take me to greater creative heights, or something along those lines. She's bad she knows it and other lovely lovely things. She's just released a new single, which will receive it's own blog post, which shall feature me doing a headstand on a donkey. 

This is Seye. I am going to his house to steal his trainers. I kept on calling him a pervert. I didn't mind it, because I think it's quite good to be a pervert. We can't all be ordinary. The pervert thing is mostly in reference to his intense gaze. He's wearing a Kingdom tee and itz naizzz.

Dimeji Alara. He said Pablo Sisiano wasn't bad, and that he liked one or two dresses, and that he didn't really remember who showed. I said, I liked a couple of dresses too, and that Maki-Oh was present in a lot of things. I shall speak more about this later. 

Here we've got Yewande? Lovely, Lovely, nothing wrong here. Stunning woman. She works for Genevieve. She's very keen on her instagram banter she is. I was happy to help lend my iphone photography skills. 

This right here is Dimeji's brother. They work together and I think that's awesome, because I could not imagine brother and Afam and I doing anything of the sort. I'd be depressed and he'd be annoyed. 

He looks like a Charlie don't you think. He's wearing Tzar and some sick ass trainers that I wouldn't mind having. FADE's photobombing. You only get this on the ramblings of a madman. I'm just saying. And you know it's true. Meeting new people is great. He was about to leave but I informed him that he couldn't go until he'd entered my SD card. 

Kenneth Ize. Great Designer. Fashionable fellow. Me talking about him, makes him feel awkward.He wasn't the most comfortable subject, but having him on here makes the whole thing that much stronger. This compilation is like a dissertation.
Here we've got Timothy Anscombe-Bell. He's a real writer this one, and he's covering Fashion Week for the Business of Fashion. That isn't all he does. This man is an industrialist. He's got factories in half the world. After I took the first three photographs I realised that I did not know how to snap shot white people. I mean the man is shining like an Angel ( I said that to him in those words exactly. I swear I carry my brand brilliantly).

This is a better shot, chest hair and all. On a different but not entirely unrelated note, I will have chest hair. I don't quite like this, but there are random strands growing there and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want it, I really don't, but as that's what my body has decided to do to me, I shall take advantage of my smooth chested daysand wear tops with varying degrees of crop. I can see Mama Afam now. She's shaking her head in Rome. 

And here's Lola. I cracked a joke I think. I've got a couple of them. Epic stuff. Brilliant stuff. Let's get movin' time's a-wastin'

Fenela. I told her her name was unusual and she agreed. She looked at the photograph and told me she had yammy legs I disagreed. I said, "Baby Gurrrr you harrre looking like an Haaamaaazzzon. Yes, an Haaamaaazzzon. A vurrrr strong woman, like Gisele. That's when she told me that her middle name's Gisele. I am Afam and I am a Diviner. 

Annabelle? Lovely, Lovely, Lovely. No complaints. Izz Naiz. 

Kimmie. He's a model. When we were talking I wondered if he was Cameroonian for he had the oddest affectation. I didn't dare ask though. He thinks I'm a photographer so he was on his best behaviour. I could never be a model. Why be everyone's muse, when you can be rude, and down right offensive? Sometimes I find behaviour downright amusing. He's wearing a Kingdom Tee. He's obviously quite stylish. 

This man right here is the international launcher of Uber Alastair Curtis. He's South African, and that's great. I haven't always liked South Africans, but that's changed. I like their accent a lot now, so if I ever go there, I will ditch the odd thing I have  now and get myself a musically exotic one. All I'll say about Uber is if I'd had the app on my phone, I would never have walked all the way from Adeola Odeku to Lekki Phase one because I was shlightly inebriated. Read about that incident here...   

Last and most importantly we have my buddy Rich who helped create the best app in the world. It's called Simple Pay, and what it means is that when my Australian Employer wants to pay me for work done, all he'll have to do to give me them nairas is pay through simple pay. Brilliant. Just brilliant. 

Okay people. That's it from day 1. I'm not sure if I shall get to do a day 2. And I've got two or three articles to write about yesterday. I will pull the time out of my arse, because it certainly won't come from the world. Good Morning, and Good Morning. That was slightly  awkward. Good morning. Read this on your bosses dollar because I didn't slave half the night for it to be ignored. 

Happy Days. 


Marie Miller said...

You are really creatively crazy man!I like it,hehe!

Barbara Onianwah said...

Just heard about you today, visited your blog and I'm in love (is that even possible?)
Loooove your banter a lot and it totally drew me in. Strange how I hold myself from rambling online but after reading this post, I miss it a lot and think I will be doing a lot more of it.
Very nice to meet you Afam. Hope we get to meet in real life soon.


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