Conversations with Alcky! Because I'm not an Alcky!

Hello! Hello! Last night I wanted to blog about something because my blog views are the worst they've been in years. This statement is probably factually and statistically wrong, but I don't care. FAMZERS! WHERE ARE YOU? COME BACK TO ME! Do you want me to die poor and unfamous - I can't quite remember what the antonym of famous is so unfamous it will have to be.

As a blogger, people seem to assume that I'm a cool someborri, with weird peculiar tastes, and haunts that are just too cool for school. I don't know why this is at all. I mean people look at me, the blogging struggle is real. One minute I'm cru=ying that nobody likes me, and the next I'm saying, "Yes, I am your leader! Dance with me famzers! Dance with me!"

If by now you do not know what a famzer is, you are terrible and I hate you. But you must know that my hatred is better than my love, for if I love you, and you me, I will only ever disappoint you. Yes. Love is 90% disappointment, 5% lust and 205% warm fluttery things and weird dying pains that destroy you when you're drunk. While I was so afflicted I remember sitting in a corner of Sip shivering and clutching my chest because the alcohol told me...

Alcky: You'll never find love.

Afam: Staaaaaap, I will.

Alcky: Really? See how that one invited you out and proceeded to abandon you?

Afam: I know! Shady ho!

Alcky: Damn shady bitch.

Afam: Dastardly bastard wench.

Alcky: Yes! Yes! And you're a stupid ass nigga, for coming here just to see that shady shady ho.

Afam: Surely it's not all that bad.

Alcky: It's worse. You're here imagining a life with on an island with a bouncer, and where is the shady harvester of hearts? Wait? Elvis has left the building? You are dumb! You are so dumb!

Afam: You can't mean it. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo must still be here.

Alcky: Who does that! You're ruined now boy!

Afam: Leave me alone you monster! I can't deal.

Alcky: So how shall we punish the beastress? Shall we delete it off bbm, or call it and say things that you won't remember in the morning, but you'll still feel terrible about?

Afam: I think I'll just sit here and mope until I can't mope anymore. I need some more shots of the vodder.

Alcky: More of me. Less of you. I have no complaints.

I think I've written enough. I mean, these are a lot of words to get through to read whatever was going to come after them. And the magic's in the after. Believe that!

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