Somebody Please Save Dbanj from himself

Dbanj's manager, Danku, said that a section of the media is out to scandalise him, but that's not how it looks to me. In my opinion the only person trying to scandalise Dbanj is Dbanj. Normally, I wouldn't particularly mind but in this case, he doesn't seem to know that he's doing it. So now there's a public duty to be done, and as nobody else seems to be jumping on the matter, I Afam, the mad, shall dive in. And I'll do my best not to let my bias show, because heaven knows that my feet still ache from his truly awful concert on Eko Atlantic in two thousand and twelve.

So who's Dbanj?

I'm not trying to be rude here, but as most of my views do not come from Nigeria, it is safe to assume that a good number of you do not actually know who Dbanj is. Dbanj is the Nigerian equivalent of... I'm sorry I can't think of anyone. Dbanj is an Afropop sensation who was once the biggest pop sensation in all of Africa. He sings like you (which of course means not very well at all), he dances like you (like an epileptic person on crack) and he speaks worse than you (you're reading my blog. I'm not saying that my vocabulary is advanced or that my diction is uncomfortably difficult, but I'm fairly sure that its reading age is not 9).

After his very public split from Don Jazzy, Dbanj went from being everywhere to being nowhere. It was like he'd fallen out of favour, and his once adoring public went straight to adoring the Burna Boy's and Wizkid's of the world with even greater fervor than they did him. Now, we must assume that the good man grew tired of his short trip down the road of obscurity because he's trying very very hard to make a come back. Can somebody say Yay! You like the koko! I like the koko! Everybody likes the koko! But has new Dbanj given us koko? No. The only koko I've seen from him recently is koko garri, and why anyone would buy that is beyond me. Have the market women retired and died? And is Prince Ebeano (The Asda of Lekki) not the king of all garri related products?

Anyway, let's go back to Dbanj's come back. I quite like that sentence, it's like, let's go back to back to the future. He started it by jumping on to Oritse Femi's Double Wahala, and to be perfectly honest with you guys, he added no value. Then came, Feeling the Nigger, which nobody paid any attention to until the remix with Akon came out. And now he's come out with a song that is as offensive as it is stupid. This new song debuted yesterday. I know right? It means that for the first time in a very long time, I'm not last with the news. Clap for me! Clap for me Afamzers. This how to win in life.

Before Dbanj sang the single very badly, he gave a short interview, which I will transcribe for you because the internets in Nigeria, odikwa not very sexy.

Korina Lopez: So you're really supportive of women's rights and gender equality, can you tell me a little bit more about why you're so passionate about this?

Dbanj: Generally even looking from your tag, the reason why we're here, ending poverty, you know, eh, it's such a, eh such a, such a important message and I believe in order for us to have a poverty free world; in order for us to end poverty, we have to take care of some very key key things. And last year, I was privileged to be able to be part of the people that created an awareness on agriculture as it was declared the year of agriculture, and I found out that while we did that most of the youths; most of the established small scale farmers that we have are women. Most of those that can manage things are women. So I've seen from even from my own life, if you look at my industry, you find out that it is very hard for a woman to succeed in where we men are. They're not see as that. Most men just look at a fine woman, such as yourself and all they see is the body. People always concentrate on the body. It's been something that spoke to me a while ago, and I thought that it would be good for us to champion that move, that in order for us to eradicate poverty, we have to eradicate gender inequality. What is good for he is good for she. So you have to look beyond her body to see the extra-ordinary potential she possesses. So it's very important.

Korina Lopez: Have you found much traction with your women equality movement?

Dbanj: Immediately I got approached, and I heard, just like last year, it's a continuous thing - I heard the err the African Union declared, okay, this is the year of women development and I say, "wow! okay." I'm going to be kick starting the whole movement. We already started giving them hints on social media, like you know, he for she, look beyond her body, you know you have to mmmmhmmmm, what's good for you is good for you, behind every successful man is a woman. That was before but now it's beside, beside every successful man is a strong woman. Mmmmmhhhhhhmmmm. So i'm going to be giving you kickstarted with my new single that is dedicated to every, every, strong woman, and every woman that wants people to look beyond her body to see how extraordinary she is, just like a guy, so it's titled "Sextraordinary"

Korina Lopez: Excellent

Afam in the heeezy

Isn't it just. You were thinking, "By Jove, the old boy might just be on to something here", then he just had to ruin it for everyone. What the devil is sextraordinary. If you don't see the problem with it, I'll tell you using parrallel situations that I've conjured up for this purpose.

Situation 1:
Random guy: We really need to stop calling bitches bitches because they more than that. Ya dig? But she still a bitch tho! Wa hey!

Situation 2:
Random white guy: Oh my gosh! America's so racist right now. I didn't even see it coming. How many have there been in the past 2 years huh? But those niggers are still niggers.

Dbanj essentially said, we've got to look at her for more than her body, and then he went right back and called her sextraordinary. In what realm does this make sense? Does his mind only operate in unfathomable circles? If anything he's made the problem even worse because he's said that the solution to the problem is the initial problem. And what's more, he says it all with a straight face.Look beyond her body, but she's got a supersonic body. It's wonky feminism at best and blatant idiocy at worst. Having said all that, it isn't a bad song at all. The only problem with it is that it doesn't make sense, and that isn't something that I'm surprised about. I just wish he'd go back to making his kokoriffic music about popping champagne. He should leave the issue hitters to those who are better educated about the problem.

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