Trending on Afam's Mind this week

I don't know that I've given the lot of you an update lately. I will rectify this shortly. In the past, my updates were incredibly singular: mere snippets of my life at the moment. I intend to change this too.

During my confinement in Nigeria, I had a lot of conversations and I learned a lot about life. The things that weren't said in conversation were said through action. For instance I learned that even the most harmless looking man is a potential murderer.

One day in Lagos I was speeding along in the father gifted Kia Sportage, when I bulldozed my way through a puddle and emptied the contents of a flooded street on an unsuspecting motored tricycle. 

(The Kia Sportage is an excellent vehicle that reminded me that I Afam, am not an orphan, and that some parental support is better than none at all even when it kills you to get it)

 For those of you who do not know what a motored tricycle is I shall explain. A motored tricycle is also known as a Keke na pep. It exists in several countries that I do not care to name at this juncture and it typically looks like this.

It's obviously one of the safest vehicles in all of Lagos, and that colour is incredible. It's the sort of yellow that you never see anywhere but in Lagos. I don't know how it was decided that this would be the unofficial official colour of most public service Lagosian vehicles. However, whoever it was that decided on the colour is a genius because I do not believe that there's ever been a colour more reminiscent of jaundice.

 After being doused with road water and sewage, the driver and his passengers were stupendously displeased with me so they sped after me, overtook me and parked in front of me. I was forced to slam my foot on the brakes because if I hadn't I would have wrecked my still unscratched Sportage. I've become so small minded that I was more concerned with the car's paint job than their lives.

They stormed out of the Keke Na Pep and marched towards me. I was mildly confused when that happened. I simply couldn't comprehend why anyone would do what they had just done, so I continued nodding along to whatever it was that my iPod had picked out for me at that moment. It was at that time that the shit hit the fan.

One of them slammed a fist into my bonnet and dented it while the other two walked up to my open window, and began what I can only describe as a festival of slaps. After landing anything between 3 and 8 clear strikes to my face, they were having so much fun that they decided to enjoy themselves a little bit more. They yanked my door open and spread the love around my body. It was then that I decided that enough was enough. I shifted the car into reverse and backed the hell up. After that heroic move, I slammed the door like an angry king and turned unto the sandy pavement and sped away.

In the spirit of this blog, which is not about being beaten within an inch of sanity in Oniru (A residential area somewhere between Victoria Island and Lekki - these are both places in Lagos). This blog is about things that I think you need to know this week.

  • Lagos is still a bit violent. If you can, drive when there's no traffic, lock your doors, wind up your windows, and keep anything that you would rather not be stolen away from prying eyes. However, there's a fuel scarcity and there are fewer cars on the roads, so traffic should be less? If you were looking for a silver lining in your cloud of life, I think that's it.
  •  If you were thinking of a movie to see, then Mockingjay part 2 is a rather good one. It isn't revolutionary, but it promises everything an action movie should. Things blow up. People die. And if you're a fan of the Game of Thrones then Mockingjay part 2 is exactly what you need. It's a little less Hunger Games and more Hunger Game of Thrones. Also Jennifer Lawrence carries the hell out of the movie! 
  • The book I'm reading this week is Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. It's got lines like, “One's duty is to feel what is great, cherish the beautiful, and to not accept the conventions of society with the ignominy that it imposes upon us.” How truly profound? 
  •  As highly strung as Madame Bovary may seem, I haven't changed at all. I'm still tragically addicted to entertaining trivial fodder. Online, I've spent more time than I care to admit reading Long Live Summons by Xia Fei Shuang Jia. As I do not speak Mandarin, I rely on translations by The story is reall quite compelling. With chapters like, "Kill them all for me", "Beating a violent slave violently", "Killing Demon Generals Instantly" and "I want to beat you up violently too", my infatuation with it shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you. 
  • The article that made me laugh the hardest this week was this one on the guardian by Colin Quinn. It was about how the Earth is evil. 
  • The article by me that I read this week and quite enjoyed is this one - Misadventures in Lagos the Quixotic Escape from Escape. It was about the first time I got slapped in Lagos, so it's obviously goes well with the general theme of this post. For some reason my mind seems to be stuck on violence this week. I can't say that I know why this is, but I'm sure that next week will promise new excitement. 
  •  In terms of music I've succumbed to the Adele craze. I can't say anything that hasn't been said about her.  It's disappointing that I cannot find a positive adjective that hasn't already been used, but I'm not nothing if not a fool. I will not be at peace if I do not try. Adele's voice is commanding. Above its obvious technical brilliance it says, "this is what I felt, have you felt it too? Is there any part of you that understands?" It is compelling in its breathtaking honesty. 
On that note I think I'll leave you. I know I cannot thank you enough for what you've given me. I know that I don't thank you enough, but I hope you don't think me ungrateful. It's been three years since you met me, and several of you are still here. That you choose to come on this unimpressive website out of an endless sea of websites will always mean everything and the world to me.

Happy Days,

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