And so we begin. One man and a team on a mission to review Skinny Girl in Transit. There are so many questions. Will we fail, will we succeed? Will Afam survive till the end of episode?
He’s sitting beside me eating a banana like it’s punishment. But I won’t let his pessimism get to me. I’m rather excited about this. I’ve caught up with most of SGIT. Tiwa’s broken up but not and Shalewa’s just come out of a relationship with a married man. If there’s anything I’ve missed I’m sure I’ll pick it up as we go along.
Afam: Well, I can’t dislike the show more than I already do, so there’s no harm in watching it. The blog gets content and I get 20 minutes to drink a can of Orijin. It’s a win-win situation anyway you look at it. I don’t know why you’d bring up the fact that I’m eating a banana. What does that have to do with anything?
TroamTeam: I just think it’s weird you know? Who eats bananas after work on a Wednesday?
Afam: The awesome parents went to Badagry and bought a massive banana stick. There are thirty bananas that will go bad if I don’t get a move on, so I’m living the banana chopping life. Bananas for breakfast, jollof rice and bananas for lunch, and bananas and suya for supper.
Troamteam: Please don’t discuss your eating habits on the blog. They’re disgusting.
Before we begin I’ll tell you how this works. I’ve got a monitor hooked up to my laptop. That’s where we’ll be watching the show. Then, we’ve got a group google document open. Afam sees what I type as I type it, and when he responds I see it as he types it. This is all happening real time. There will be spoilers.
Afam: What a sexy dream she’s having! And then she had to go and fall out of it because of her phone’s alarm. That’s worth a snicker. Can you make the default Iphone ringtone an alarm?
Troamteam: I never tried. Mine is Work this body by Walk the Moon. How old is Tiwalade? And why is her mother beating her awake?
Afam: That mother is excessive. I have a question though. The show’s called skinny girl in transit but the main character has not dropped a pound. I’m not fat shaming her or anything but shouldn’t she drop a few for the show, because it’s called skinny girl in transit, not skinny girl never.
Troamteam: You’re treading deadly waters, but I get what you mean. In This is us, the obese actress has weight loss written into her contract because the character she plays is trying to lose weight. I don’t think this show’s as conceptual as that one is though and This is us is not without their own wahala. Some day, they’re going to have to explain how the sun drove Randall away from team light skinned.
Afam: Yeah! I can see that. How dope is that house girl though. She looks like an alien. Blue lips, pink cheeks and Bantu knots. It’s a lewk!
Troamteam: I’m here for the mother’s shade though. "Why don’t you use your mouth to say better things like getting married… You, you have chased all the boys away and you, it’s another woman’s husband you are chasing about.” Epic.
Afam: That bit was amusing. It’s the closest I’ve come to a laugh all episode.
Troamteam: I’m here for the mother in general. I don’t understand what her daughters are doing, the bit where Shalewa pulled Tiwalade off the couch looked like something from a secondary school play.
Afam: I think that’s the style of the show. Like there's film noir there's also film high-school. Props to the mum though. That’s full commitment right there. She steals every scene she’s in. I think she needs a spin off.
Troamteam: That was a Time skip and a half. They skipped right to work. Do you know we’ve watched 11 minutes of the stuff and nothing has happened? I mean, all Tiwalade’s done this episode is wake up, watch tv with her mum and her sister, listen to her mum wail, and go to work. We have learned nothing.
Afam: We did learn that Tiwa’s dad may be seeing a hoe on the side, and I can’t say that I blame him. If I married a woman like his wife we would be separated by the end of the first week. I’d cite the I married a bat shit crazy being excuse. And now we’re learning that Tiwa hasn’t been sexual with anyone in a bit.
Troamteam: It’s all a little on the nose isn’t it. I can’t say what’s wrong with it, but since the mother left, it’s been a little dry. Her boss is the guy she was getting with in the dream right?
Troamteam: So he’s resigning because he wants knacks.
Afam: Dude it’s only episode one but by episode 4 or 5 we’ll know for sure. I can see it coming. I’ll bet on it. If Tiwa doesn’t get with Mide by episode 5 I will drink four shots of vodka neat.
Troamteam: The four shot challenge. I like the sound of it already. Mide’s a pretty good actor though.
Afam: Adeolu Adefarasin, the reason why we're recapping this season is good too. And damn Tiwa’s gone to confront him. She didn’t speak to him for three months and she expects an explanation. This is why some people are fools. Three months is more than enough time to close any door. If this Mide chap had any sense at all, he’d flee. But he doesn’t, and his face is on a poster, so he’s here for most of the season.
Troamteam: Why's Adeolu the reason for our recapping?
Afam: We love him, and he gave us an interview at ridiculously short notice. I think it'll come out before we recap episode 2.
Troamteam: I see. So we love him because he showed us some love. Got it.
Afam: No. We love him because he's good at what he does. We're objective at troam.
Troamteam: Let's be clear, you like him because you met him and he wasn't a dick. I think that's fair. You can't punish him for being likeable just because you're trying to be objective. Back to the show, I hate this fourth wall breaking rubbish. Like when Tiwa turns to camera and addresses us directly. It bugs me. I think one of us needs to spill the tea on this Mide and Tiwa situation.
Afam: Well, it goes like this. Mide and Tiwa were flirting. Mide asked Tiwa out. She said no. He went to play kissy kissy with someone else. Tiwa found out and then she got annoyed.
Troamteam: With good reason.
Afam: I’m telling you this because we’re mates. If you like the bird in your hand don’t let it go thinking that it will never find anywhere else to perch.
Troamteam: The birds I release know their Zaddy. They keep coming back. Are Mide and Tiwa breaking up now? What’s all this “Do have a great life sir.” And she now knocked the cup down. If she did that to me I’d pick up the cup and pour whatever was in it on her wig.
Afam: And the winner of the petty olympics is… Tiwa! Her break up speech was taken from Line 101 of the 13 year old’s break up handbook. I said something similar when I was that age. It was my first break up and you never forget your first. “Bye for life!”
Troamteam: I don’t remember my first but I can tell you my last, it was, “Respect the one you’re with. Some distance from you would be fantastic.”
Afam: They always come back to Zaddy! lol. I think my last one was a letter but it ended with a phrase that went, “I look forward to living the rest of the year foot loose and bat shit free.”
Troamteam: Very spicy. You were upset weren’t you?
Afam: Incredibly. But back to the show. What the hell is Tiwa mixing in that pan.
Troamteam: It looks like ogbono, and she’s drinking it. I’ll drink a shot if she doesn’t vomit. Ah! Yes. Of course she puked it out, but why is the vomit a vivid yellow? Shouldn’t it be brown? It was moderately funny though. I think I’ll give this episode 5 laughs. I laughed 5 times.
Afam: I laughed twice, so 2 laughs. What did you think of it?
Troamteam: The show doesn’t move very well. The dialogue is weird. The shots are weird, and the make up is questionable. I get that everyone wants to look pretty, but it’s supposed to imitate real life and girls I know don’t go to the office looking like they’ve got their face beat for a wedding. But I think all of this is intentional. You know? To make everything a little ridiculous for the sake of humour. I don’t know that it’s successful, but I also don’t know that I care that much.
Afam: I think it was an average episode. I’d say more but you usually forgive the first episode don’t you? Like, they’re still shaking off their holiday.
Troamteam: Fair enough. Avenger 1’s here by the way, do you think we should make him join the banter?
Afam: All for one, one for all. We suffer as one.
The troam team.