It starts again, one empty page and a dream to successfully review Skinny Girl in Transit season 3. The Harmattan haze that only a year like 2016 is blocking out the sun and Afam and I have been joined by my Chairman, the Avenger.
Afam: I don’t know why you’re calling him your chairman, he’s my chairman.
Troamteam1: I thought I was your chairman?
Afam: Well, you know what they say, “The Chairman of my Chairman is also my Chairman.”
Avenger: As flattering as all of this is, and I am flattered, who’s the biggest chairman of us all?
Afam: It’s definitely Troamteam. You didn’t shoot your shot right and somebody calabashed your chairman destiny?
Avenger: Why would you even say that though?
Troamteam: It’s because I’m the more supportive one. I keep our boy committed and I’ve been writing on the blog for weeks. Plus, I’m the better friend.
Avenger: But I was friends with him first. You weren’t even here for the heavy lifting during his crop-top and sandals phase and you want to be saying you’re the better friend? Sod off.
Afam: He’s the Biggest Chairman because the only reason why you said you’d do this, is that we’ve agreed to watch you play tennis at Ikoyi Club when we’re done.
Avenger: Don’t forget. You said you’d film as well. My backhand has been misfiring. I need to see what I’m doing wrong.
Troamteam: Mr third seed at Ikoyi Club OSHEY!!!
Afam: Anyway let’s not forget why the both of you are here. The blog’s recapping the third season of Skinny Girl in Transit. Typically, it’s something I would do alone but I thought it would be cool if I was joined by two of my friends. Now let me tell you how this works.
We’ve each got a laptop, and we’ve hooked one of them up to the television. We’re all on the same google docs page, and we’ll be commenting as we watch the show. If the tone of this recap is a little different from the first one, it’s that we’ve been drinking.
Afam: Well, the beginning’s a conversation between Shalewa and Tiwa. It’s so stilted that I can definitely see one stabbing the other in the near future. Why can’t sisters get on properly?
Troamteam: I know some sisters that cannot go through a conversation without threatening to kill the other. The situation in Skinny Girl in Transit is mild.
Afam: And I can’t understand this Mide situation. I mean they were hardly together and three months later she’s still harping on about some basically insignificant kiss that the guy had with his ex. This is why I’m single.
Avenger: No. You’re single because the pepper that your ex showed you has scared you, but it’s your fault. You were eating vulture when you supposed to be eating chicken. Many things have feathers but not all of them are chickens. Anyway. Lewk! Is that a man I see?
Troamteam: Let’s gauge the squeeze.
Afam: Please don’t. We like him on the blog, and I know him personally. He’s Adeolu Adefarasin, or Nathan. Whatever he lacks in squeezability, he makes up for with excessive lip licking and head turning. Look at that licking his lips like he’s seen Kentucky Fried Chicken.
|Look at this Spec! Spec! Spectranet right there giving what I call a Yoruba Demon eye. ACTOR!!|
Troamteam: I suppose you won the bet. You don’t have to take four shots of vodka back to back now.
Avenger: I don’t know why you guys are assessing the Squeeze, Nathan, when Tiwa’s nightie is in the picture. That’s some bride of Chucky realness right there. It really looks like it crawled out of a Nollywood film about witches.
Troamteam: YOU ARE RUDE!
Afam: Are you guys getting this questionable camera work? It’s starting to look a bit like an interview for CNN. Then Tiwa starts talking about how she knows Nathan (Adeolu Adefarasin) and it’s some Peter and Jane primary school and secondary school shit. But the real question is why is the focus on the guy off. He’s the blog’s chairman, the focus must be sharp!
|Thou shall not blur the Spectranet!|
Avenger: Oh they’re getting along. It’s like a love story until the part where he says, “Yes. I’m single.” This is code for summon the Yoruba Demon. But on a more serious note, am I the only one that thinks this first meeting courtship is a little on the nose?
Afam: You have the right of it. But I think it’s true to the style of the show. The one thing I’ll say is that the bits where Tiwa speaks to the camera directly aren’t very successful here. As far as I know love stories begin with meet cutes, the scene where a guy’s shopping for a pair of pyjamas and he picks the shirt only to find that a girl has picked the trousers. The way this is staged seems more like an arranged marriage than anything else.
Troamteam: Say no to arranged marriages in 2017.
Avenger: I’ll give that comment my best unlewk! (that’s cool speak for ignoring someone). The mother’s etraordinary. I mean she gives good over the top stereotypical mother for an Ibo woman.
Troamteam : It’s perfect over the top Yoruba mother for anyone. She sound’s just like Afam’s mum in her more dramatic moments.
Afam: Please don’t besmirch my mother’s good name in public after you came to her birthday party and finished the champagne. The woman is legendary. And can we take a minute to talk about that transition. It was monstrous! Straight from Tiwa’s mum and Nathan’s mum to Tiwa’s lips. It’s not like it’s that bad, I mean in my mind it’s borderline disgusting, but to most people out there it’s fine. The question they need to be asking is, are we telling the story the best way that we can through our film work. And I’ll answer it. No.
Troamteam: Look at you giving them I have a Masters degree in journalism. Anyway I’m here for the office friend today. Last episode her wonky eyebrow was distracting me but this episode she’s a gem. “I can’t believe that everything went from fairy tale to bitter leaf soup with both of you.” Epic line!
Afam: Can we just allow Mide to go in peace. Everything is Mide this, Mide that, Mide. If this was me talking to you lot, I will hear something like. “Everyone is wondering what you’re doing with your life. From our recent conversations your first and last priority is BAE!!” And don’t comment. Take your sub and shut up.
Avenger: Lol. Is there trouble in paradise? Now there’s some petty office politics. Hadissa coming in strong with a verbal jab and the wonky eyebrow friend coming in with a HAYMAKER! Finish her!
Troamteam: Sub received, but was there a love rivalry between Hadisa and Didi aka wonky eyebrow friend over Mide? I knew it. Mide is a shady guy. He’s literally… what’s the name of that Toke Makinwa’s shady boo again?
Afam: It’s Maje.
Troamteam: Yes. He’s been sowing some lies, I’ll bet 2 shots on it.
Avenger: Make it four shots and we have a deal. I see what you mean about the cuts from scene to scene. It’s giving me whiplash. Tiwa is showing us all how you greet the boss that you’re creeping with on the low. Don’t come with Good Morning honey! Come with Good Morning Sir!
Afam: So there’s a replacement General Manager that’s meant to be taking over from Mide because the Konji (sexual frustration) has turned him into a MUMU! She’s essentially the budget version of Meryl Streep in the Devil wears Prada. I mean you can be cold, but you shouldn’t be wooden. So she’s acting like one of the Robots in Human. It’s a British show about robots.
Troamteam: Don’t be too critical. Even if the acting looks slightly drugged up, the writing in this scene is pretty strong.
Avenger: Tiwa is looking cute oh! Ah she just became uncute. After the new boss and the devil’s aide, Hadisa left the office, Tiwa and Mide decided to have a little conversation. They should start calling Single Girl in Transit WILL TIWA EVER FORGET THE KISS THAT MIDE HAD WITH ANOTHER WOMAN WHILE HE WAS SINGLE? On a slightly different vein they sound just like Afam and his sort of ex. You guys could have a conversation that went. Afamefuna. Bae? Afamefuna. BabyBae? Afamefuna? Babyboo.
Troamteam: I am DEAD!
Afam: I’m banishing the both of you. The Orijin has eroded your good judgement. Finally a scene jump that didn’t kill me. Tiwa’s back home and Shalewa starts talking about some guy that asked for her number. The take away from this is that these women are marriage mad. The episode came in at 17 minutes and 46 seconds. Ndani, would it kill you if all the episodes were of equal length? The first episode was 21 minutes and 46 seconds.
Troamteam: And that’s why we call you MR PEDANTIC. Anyway, now that we finally got round to finishing this review more than a few weeks late, we’ve got an interview with Adeolu Adefarasin! Troam for the win! Troam will put everyone else in the bin.
Troam for the Win,
The Troamteam, The first Avenger, and Afam.
Afam Sidebar: Well that was cringeworthy wasn't it?