Another day, another beginning and all of that good stuff that you see on instagram, like instantly, and forget about the next second. I’m trying to be dark and sarcastic but I think I’m failing… desperately. Be that as it may, I’ve come to the realisation that the blog will never be what it was. I feel a bit stupid that I can’t tell you what it was, but that was the point wasn’t it? I don’t know that it was meant to be anything, or that I should have tried to make it be anything. It was what it was. 

The above is an immeasurably stupid paragraph but I’ll persist because I have wisdom to dispense. Or at least I think I do. Another random thought - So much uncertainty in such a formerly handsome young man. How will he ever get anywhere?

The other day, I was driving home. I had to change clothes. A banging suit jacket and un-ironed trousers won’t take you anywhere but home. I think I was half blind when I put them on and dashed out that morning. When I got to work, I was embarrassed. Dressing poorly takes up so much mental energy these days. You’ve got to spend your time… spiritual energy… qi? telling yourself over and over again that it’s okay when you know it’s not. And when people bring it up, you’ve got to find a self deprecating comeback that’s so funny it says, “Now here’s a guy who knows not to take himself too seriously.” Anyway, the trousers weren’t going to take me to the pool party I’d been invited to. Mid drive, some guy Oprah was interviewing  on some podcast that I only very rarely listen to said, “Set backs don’t mean go backs.” 

I love moments like that. Random words fly out of nowhere and knock you to Sunday school. So much truth in 6 words. Heart knots undone just because something said let’s see what Oprah’s got for us today. The same something that said, if you’re not going to delete the blog then you might as well write on it (there’s a brief note about this at the end). It didn’t stop there. When your heart finally talks to you it usually doesn’t stop until it gets the point across.  

So it went on. Dude it said, if you don’t write about something, anything, you’ll probably get so tired of your excuses that you’ll get depressed and try to boink yourself again. You either need to get it over with or get prepared to get nowhere in life. 

It had a point. Intern, to social media intern, to intern producer, to junior producer and digital analyst, to Anchor in one year has been pretty fucking fantastic (it’s the grace of God I swear) but if that writing aspect of the dream is unfulfilled then I’ll probably never be happy. 

500 words in under an hour. I’d say I was back but that’d be me jinxing it. 

Ps1-I know the url says I’m mad but if I ever do that then somebody needs to commit me to the nearest psych ward because your boy’s probably suicidal. And that’s not joke. I was once quite severely mentally ill and I live in mortal fear that if I slip up a bit too much I’ll end up there. I call it the sequelae of depression- that’s a pretty good phrase) 

Ps2- I’m never going to complain about the website again. I can’t do all things. People who try to do all things in Lagos get high blood pressure at birth. 

No comments:

About Us